Tony Gabriele faces a major problem. He has 24 "single, unmatched, orphaned socks" and he has no idea where their brothers and sisters have gone.
In his Get Serious! column on the Detroit Daily Press, Mr Gabriele formulates a number of reasons as to why this strange occurrence happens.
He notes it could be the dastardly work of the washing machine's cousin, the dryer, which may be the problem; after all, not many people do a sock count between the two.
A secret chemical compound could be injected into the sock
during creation, Mr Gabriele reasons, noting that they could self-destruct after a number of washes.
Or, of course, they could run away, having had enough of a life confined to wrapping itself around a smelly foot.
Mr Gabriele concluded: "I will be happy to investigate all these possibilities, if I can get a government grant. Possibly from the Department of Homeland Sockurity."
Last month, it was revealed that New York's grumpiest salesman was a sock
aficionado, with actress Chloe Sevigny being a recipient of his foul mood when she was looking for legwear
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